Illustration by Jake Inferrera

There’s nothing that invites unsolicited advice quite like being a single woman. To show up at a family reunion is to be drowned in a deluge of dubious dating and life advice from everyone from the aunt you haven’t seen in at least five years, to your great-uncle’s new wife. To mention that you might even be content solo is to raise even more eyebrows. (The nail in the coffin: Statistically speaking, you are literally happier than your partnered cohorts.) Even your coworkers and friends — especially those in long-term relationships — are occasionally wont to offer questionable remarks about your choices.

Even worse, the phenomenon only intensifies as time passes: The amount of unsolicited life and dating advice seems directly proportional to age. My friends have complained about this incessantly, rolling their eyes at the latest offenders. When I asked them to relay the most absurd advice they’ve received recently, their answers were reliably entertaining. Here are a few of my favorites:

-“Be gentle with men. Be like their mom.”

-“Read less to preserve your eyesight.”

-“Don’t use contraceptives unless you want to risk getting cancer.”

-“Observe the relationships around you. After you’ve seen everything that could possibly go wrong, start dating and avoid doing all of those things.”

-“Don’t hesitate to take out loans to support your lifestyle. It’s like free money.”

-“Having a baby will take your mind off of your troubles!”

Readers, what about you? What’s the most ridiculous life advice someone’s offered you, in all your single-ness (past or present)?

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To see how one woman deals with unsolicited advice like a champ, tune-in to SMILF on SHOWTIME. The new comedy series follows Bridgette Bird, a 20-something single mom from South Boston. Take a sneak peek today, and catch the premiere on Nov 5th at 10 PM ET/PT.

Angela Wang is a Senior Writer for Studio@Gizmodo.

This post is a sponsored collaboration between SMILF and Studio@Gizmodo.