You May Suck at Manly Tasks But at Least You Smell Like Pure Dude

Lily Butler for Old Spice

Aren’t manly men just the best? So earnest, so strong, so sweaty…and so often incapable of carrying out manly tasks to completion. But that doesn’t really matter, as long as they look — and smell — like pure dude while they’re manning out (like, say, carrying you out of a burning building while taming a pack of wolves into cuddly submission).

Thank you, Old Spice, for allowing men to feel like they’re made of 100% testosterone. And for helping women to view their guys as studs — even when they’ve mistakenly built a shoddy shower in the middle of the living room. Here are some other things that not-so-capable men can get away with by smelling like Old Spice.


Man-Task 1: Grilling meats. BBQ law states that the beefcake is in charge of charring the beef to perfection, but not all men are capable of this culinary task. Not to worry, though — once guests venture over to observe the fire the chef ignited on the grill and catch a whiff of his manly freshness, it won’t really matter that he’s singed off his own eyebrows and everyone has to eat appetizers for dinner. All they’ll remember — as they stop for a second dinner on their way home from the BBQ — is that their host smelled like he could’ve wrestled a wild boar to the ground with his bare hands. And made a sausage of it.

Man-Task 2: Athletic feats. While only the manliest men make a career out of their athleticism, the average dude is expected to thrive during pick-up basketball and flag football games. But what if a man grew up with a mother who made him practice the viola instead of perfecting a spiral? As long as he can saunter around the men’s locker room smelling like victory, his company softball team won’t care that he missed three fly balls and lost the game by forgetting that a runner must be tagged in order to make an out. All they’ll remember is that his soap made him smell like a winner.

Man-Task 3: Navigating streets. When on a road trip, a man must take control of navigation using his testosterone-fueled sense of direction. But what if his internal man-compass leads him to a biker bar where he’s forced to ask a bearded giant named “Bull” for directions? This can only turn into one of those stories everyone looks back at and laughs about if the frightened passengers are so soothed by the sexy scent of body soap that they block out those frightening moments they spent idling in front of an establishment called “Hardtails.”

Old Spice makes sure that men smell strong even in their less than manly moments. Get some and sign up for your masculinity insurance policy now.

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